As a child, I HATED crime shows. They gave me nightmares. I was (and still am) a big over-thinker. As I entered my mid-late teens, however, that changed. I LOVED them. I could watch the goriest of crime scenes with utter fascination. I own at least 10 seasons of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (the Vegas one and the best one) and would frequently binge on them with my mom.
Then I got busy with college and marriage, and those DVDs got pushed to the back of the movie closet, replaced by witty comedies and family friendly, feel good flicks. I lost my tolerance for blood and guts and bad guys and autopsies and maggot infested bodies. Okay, that's fine with me. So I get a bit queasy during a couple scenes of movies and shows that I rarely watch? No biggie.
Then.. I had a baby and EVERYTHING changed.
I became a fraidy cat mom.
Yup, THAT one.
The one that won't open the door when the doorbell rings.
The one that doesn't go on walks outside with her daughter.
The one that isn't allowed to watch the news because of the scary thoughts it puts in her head.
The one that doesn't like to drive because of the paralyzing fear that something will go wrong.
The one that knows that this world is full of evil and lets it get to her.
Satan really knows how to get us, doesn't he? By inspiring all the evil of the world, he has me quaking in my sparkly, metaphorical boots, doing one of the things that God has told me over and over NOT to do!
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34)
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" (Matthew 6:25-27)
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me." (John 14:1)
"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
"...Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." (John 14:27)
There's so many more, but you get the idea. Kinda hard to argue with all that.
When I skip the walk to the mailbox because I'm irrationally afraid that a drive-by shooting, crouching kidnapper, or freak car accident will leave my child motherless, I let the devil win. I'm not trusting God.
I always strive to live my life according to His word, but am I really? I try to do everything right - I am and always have been a well-behaved, rule following, bible class going girl - but kinda like speed limits, sometimes we don't think His command to not worry is that important. I always say, "If God found it important enough to say, I better find it important enough to follow." The same should be applied to worry. While some of my issues are actual legitimate fears and not just worries, I am resolving to work on them. Because God doesn't want me to worry. God wants me to be happy, just like He wants for everyone else. He wouldn't allow me to have this struggle if He didn't want me to overcome it - He knows I can. In Him, I can.
"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalm 91:4
That's enough for me. So I am jumping in. I said a prayer and took my girl for a walk around the neighborhood today, and guess what? I'm still here to tell the tale! It was so much fun to be able to exercise and spend time in God's beautiful creation with K, I almost forgot about my irrational worries and fears. Almost. I am still a protective mother, after all. But it was at a healthy level, not the paralyzing, house-confining, hermit status level it was before. So here's to the playground going, neighborhood walking, mail getting, and grocery shopping that's now in our future!
This has been a bit of a revealing post, and I'm quite sure some of you will look at me differently from now on, but I say all this to say that no matter your struggle, you can find solace in the Lord. He wants you to have peace, He wants you to be happy, and He wants you to trust Him. Just spend some time in His word and you'll find what you need - maybe not what you're looking for, but what you need. Whatever it is you're facing, see what God says about it and jump in. And then get yourself a brownie because you're awesome.
"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." (Psalm 55:22)
"The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him." (Exodus 15:2)